Logical Hypocrisy and Closing One’s Eyes

So I was sitting on the ol’ London Underground minding my own business trying to go to the place that I was trying to go to in order to do the task that I needed to complete, when I entered into some form of staring contest.

This wasn’t a staring contest with another real, human being, more like a metaphysical battle for the soul of the concept of staring, and indeed the logical hypocrisy that plays out every day in public space.

Here I was, reading my arty magazine, thinking about where I needed to go and what was going to unfold during my day, when I lock eyes with everyone’s favourite strumpet Karen Millen. Maybe harsh, but maybe it wasn’t Karen herself It looked like there was a lady called Helen modelling some kind of green wrap around dress, wearing Charlotte Gainsbourg’s hair and posing to appear slightly cool (in spite of dressing for 2015).

Normally I get flattered if someone decides to have a look at me, and manage to spend the most of my time with the one who looks at me the most, but in this context I was a bit put out – I didn’t particularly consent to Karen dressing Helen and Helen staring at me provocatively, as if her behaviour is the model way of attracting a handsome man to whisk you off your feet.

Things obviously came to a head on my way back, when Karen turned up again, but, wouldn’t you know it, Sadiq Khan (Sad – IQ Man) decided to splatter a warning on my innocent London Underground carriage that staring ‘of a sexual nature’ is not to be tolerated.

You be the judge yourself, but I would put it on the sexual harassment spectrum ol’ Karen’s sultry stare in my direction. Except there was nowhere for me to turn – she was an advertisement!

What I’m getting at here, if you can’t tell already, is that these bloody ‘Staring’ signs are so hilarious in their white-knight virtue signaling hypocrisy that they make me want to stage a revolution of common sense and storm into the ugly build that the Mayor works from and give him a strongly worded letter. In fact, I hope he retires to some secluded job (hopefully nothing to do with transport, as he’s hopeless at managing that) and leaves everyone alone.

Just take down your stupid ‘Staring’ warnings and all the other ones that adorn our poor, innocent Underground trains, and remove all the bloody sexual advertising, and maybe we’ll make some progress!

And if some lady comes and has a word with me that women need protection from brutish men, but aren’t willing to take any responsibility for the proliferation of sexually provocative advertising in public spaces, then I’ll put my fingers in my ears and do the hokey-cokey to a more pleasant locale.

I mean honestly, what I am supposed to do here, close my eyes and wait until I arrive?